Hello SAHD Larry!

I have been working in EMS since 2011. It was the career field I chose to pursue after getting out of the military in 2010. During that time in EMS, I worked in urban environments, rural environments, and austere environments. Many of my later years in EMS were spent in the later environment overseas. My last deployment overseas was precariously timed, and there was a very real possibility that I might not be home in time for Wren’s birth. I got home in time (by a day or two) and after he was born I quit my job and haven’t looked back.

When Wren was born, I almost missed it because I was overseas. If my former teammate/spades partner hadn’t just become the HMFIC on our contract, I probably wouldn’t have been able to get out of the country in time. Once Wren was born, I knew that I didn’t want to spend all my time working overseas while my kid grew up without me at home. I also knew that I didn’t want someone else, a stranger, raising or caring for my kid because both his parents had to work. This was that catalyst I needed to become a SAHD and pursue writing and developing as a career.

During the school year (when Lacey is working), a normal day looks likes this:

• 0530 - 0600 wake-up

• Try and work, but also do morning tasks (dog, bottle/change/play with Wren)

• 0800 - 0830 first hard meal for Wren

• 1100 - 1200 lunch for Wren

• Wren naps around noon. On good days, this will be about 90 - 120 minutes. This is the only uninterrupted portion of that day, if it goes well.

• After nap play time and stimulation for Wren.

• Prep anything needing prepping for dinner.

• Make sure daily cleaning is done. This sometimes gets bumped. Depends on the day.

• Lacey gets home between 1630 - 1700 usually.

• Cook and make dinner. I try to aim for the 1800 mark here.

Wren gets a lot of the attention during the day. I imagine he will get a lot more the more he develops.

Time management. I haven’t overcome it, yet, but I am working on it. It’s difficult because the routine and schedule can change at the whim of a child.

Physical training. I used to run and lift, but these things are hard to get to now. Wren comes first, then work, then everything else. I could solve this with better time management, or by waking up early and doing it before anyone is awake.

I get to be here for Wren. Even if I wasn’t working overseas, I would have to work at least a standard full-time schedule (if not more) in EMS/Fire if I wanted to be able to afford daycare. I would still be gone more and have to pay someone else to influence my child. Being able to be here at home with him, being able to watch him develop daily, is incredibly rewarding.

The person who is around a developing child more often is more likely to see lots of firsts. Some of those firsts are cute and make you smile, like a first word, wave, or first time they crawl. Some of them are the moments that get baby their first ER trip. Wren’s first attempt at the stairs (he made it through the baby gate, meaning I must not have locked it) was while he was using a walker device. He took a rollercoaster ride down to the bottom before I could get to him and we ended up at the ER. The trip was probably more for me, than it was him. I certainly won’t forget it, regardless.

You need to want to do it and you need a way to focus your time when you aren’t in SAHD mode. I have a newsletter that I maintain as a means of work from home. This allows me to switch how I think through the day, and helps to alleviate issues of burnout on either side.

I would also suggest being comfortable or getting comfortable with routines. Routines are foundational. Also, make you bed. It helps start your day off with a win.

Not well.

I try to make sure I am done with work by the time Lacey gets home. This isn’t always possible, and sometimes I obsess over a problem, but it helps to create an end to the work day.

During the day, unfortunately I have to work when I can. This means constant interruptions and minimal deep focused work. My system for researching and writing needs to be simple, yet robust enough to account for the fact that I will likely never get 2 hours of uninterrupted work done at a time. My notes need to be sharp, and I need project and tasks managers to help prioritize what needs to be done. 

I see it evolving in stages that are dictated by the development of Wren. SAHD comes first, then blogging. The next few years will require a lot of attention from me in the former, until he is going to school. Once he is in school, I will see a bigger focus shift to the blog. Assuming I am still publishing then.

Most of the things I have “learned” I already knew, but now they are really showing. For example, I get distracted easily. On the opposite side of that, I also get obsessed easily. I have learned that while I may get distracted easily, when I have a problem I am trying to solve, my brain tends to start operating on a single thread. This means that sometimes I avoid work and sometimes all I can do is think about work. It’s like having ADD with obsessive tendencies. The trick is to remain in between those states.

People are always a bit taken back when I tell them I am a SAHD. I think it is a little more common, amongst my generation, but it is still “abnormal” for most people. I’ve even had women tell me that they wouldn’t want their husbands to be the stay at home parent. In the South, this is almost as bad as a “bless your heart”.

Since it isn’t as common, people tend to be a little surprised. They are even more shocked if they know about my past work history and types of work I was involved in. Most people just don’t assume someone with my skill set and likes would be happy being a stay at home parent

It needs to be a passion, something you really like doing. If it is not a passion, something you love and always wanted to do, I can’t give any better advice than Charles Bukowksi already gave and subsequently had placed on his gravestone. Don’t try. If it is a passion, you just do it and keep doing it, regardless of the outcome. 

I don’t know if I have any advice for this one. You have to want it. You have to want family life, want to be a stay at home parent, and want to complete your passion project. I don’t think you can be fulfilled doing something that you don’t want to do. I guess the path to fulfillment starts with asking yourself, “is this who I want to be?”